What got me into trauma recovery?
I was dissociated for many years and wasn’t aware of it at the time, just knew that something wasn’t right. Nothing felt right. I kept looking for a lifestyle that would feel right and make me happy but everything I tried just brought me back to feeling like I wasn’t even alive. There were moments I would doubt reality, doubt existence of everything. It continuously felt like I am in a movie, playing a role. I stumbled across a self love technique where you make a choice based on a feeling softer or harder. For example, choosing between watching a movie or going for a walk, which one feels softer? That’s a more self loving choice. I spent the whole day trying to do things and just couldn’t find a softer option, everything felt wrong, hard, unpleasant. I realised that I was living a lie and everything started collapsing. At that time I was coping by training hard to compete in a triathlon. Luckily, the work outs were actually helping me to come back into my body, however as I was feeling my body more, I was also becoming more aware of suppressed emotions. I started breaking down daily after that and stopped being in denial of my depression and PTSD symptoms. I started watching videos about depression on Youtube, but nothing seemed to resonate until I found Teal Swan’s channel. By then I was so deep in apathy and felt really suicidal, but the videos on her channel finally gave me some answers. A lot of things she said resonated with me so deeply and it felt like I am finally in company of someone who gets me. I started applying the healing technique she created, the completion process and for the first time I felt relief and my flashbacks started making more sense. I stopped feeling like I am crazy and started waking up without feelings of terror and doom in my chest and stomach. There were more and more good hours in my days. Then there were more good days in my weeks. When I say “good” I don’t mean everything is amazing and life is perfect and butterflies and rainbows. What I mean is that my awareness keeps expanding every day and I don’t feel powerless to my life and relationships. Awareness of my internal world and how that reflects in the external world has made it possible for me not to be in denial and keep moving towards creating the life and life experiences that I want. I had never asked for support from a professional in mental health field because I saw how they failed my older brother, so I was really keen to learn the completion process and be there for other people like me. After receiving a series of the completion process sessions from a certified practitioner I realised that it’s what I want to do and applied to get trained. I have been holding space for people in their healing and integrations since then.
I studied computer science at university, however that was very far from my passion so after working for 2 years in the IT industry I quit and started teaching English internationally. After getting trained as the completion process practitioner by Teal Swan in 2016, I quit my teaching career and started holding space for people in processing trauma. I also got a lot of benefits from Kambo medicine and got trained as a practitioner with Kambo Naturista in 2018.